Wellness with Diane Lang!

Hi all,

My friend Diane Lang–whom many of you met on New Year’s Day, when she posted some great ways to care for ourselves during the year–is always sending me great tips for getting through the day to day! With every new article I’d ask if I can share it with my readers. She very graciously agreed and now has her own page here. I’ll be posting her insightful articles and ideas as they come in so stay on the lookout for them. Better yet, subscribe to my blog and have every post delivered directly to your inbox!

Some background: Diane is a therapist, educator and life coach. We met online (and later in person) when my publicist cousin (who  happened to Diane’s) decided we should meet since we both write. Since then, Diane has turned out to be a great resource and sounding board. Diane dedicates her career to helping people turn their lives around and develop a sustainable positive attitude. (Read more about Diane’s numerous accomplishments and the multiple hats she wears at www.dlcounseling.com or visit her blog at www.myhappyblog.vox.com.)

My dynamo friend is a mom, too. (Don’t know how she does it all!) She’s taught Positive Parenting and written extensively on the benefits of using it with even the youngest children. She’s authored Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career (available at www.Amazon.com; more info at http://dlcounseling.com/books.html). And Diane’s second book, Creating Balance, debuted in April 2010!

For the NJ crowd, Diane has been featured in The Daily Record, Cookie Magazine and seen on NJ 12 TV (and the national television program “Fox & Friends”).  She has also participated in a reality based Internet show, ourprisoner.com, hosted Generation X-tinet and appeared in various educational videos. Diane also writes a bi-weekly column “The Working Mom” at Mommytalk.com and shares her expertise on parenting on The WTBQ Expat Show.

Workshops: Diane teaches various workshops in the tri-state area at various times throughout the year. These are posted at her website and/or blog so check in frequently. Every now and again (on those amazing days when my time-act is together) I’ll post them here as well!

November 15, 2010

Mistakes:

We can’t be successful without taking a jump- a leap of faith within ourselves.

Well, recently I learned the hard way that jumping doesn’t always lead to instant success, but what it does lead to is a sense of accomplishment for trying. A sense of strength knowing fear didn’t stop you and the knowledge that we are all human and as many times as we jump is as many times there is a chance that you might fail and/or make a mistake. The funny part is through this whole jump experience, I have learned there is a lot of good in making a mistake. I want to share the positives of making a mistake. I hope this helps next time you decide to take a leap of faith and have a 50/50 chance of making a mistake.

1. Lets start with the typical one we always hear – we learn from our mistakes. An old one but a goodie. The happiest people are always learning.

2. Mistakes make us aware that we are not perfect. Once we realize we are only human, we can let of our perfectionism ideas and let the pressure melt away. We don’t have to set ourselves up for failure by expecting perfection or wanting to be perfect all the time. We can actually go enjoy ourselves knowing we aren’t perfect.

3. Mistakes means we are taking risks. People who take risks are generally happy people. They take risks, they are creative. They don’t grow stale and/or stagnate. Instead, they take risks and enjoy the chances they are taking. With mistakes, realize it’s about the journey to complete something not just about the outcome.

4. We develop a sense of accomplishment – mistakes give us a sense of pride. We tried, we didn’t procrastinate or let fear run our lives. Instead, we went for it. With taking risks comes a sense of pride & accomplishment.

5. Mistakes aren’t the end of the world. They only make us stronger. Making mistakes and trying again teaches us perseverance.

6. Mistakes are a motivator. They make us work harder.

So, go out and make a mistake…I dare you!

WORKSHOPS:

Monday, Nov 15, 7pm – Create Balance & relieve anxiety- Ramsey community school 201-327-2025

Tuesday, Nov 16, 7pm – Happiness- living an optimistic lifestyle -Parsippany Community school 973-263-7180 ext 3015

Wednesday, Nov 17, 7pm – What kind of smart are you? – PT Washington, Long Island 516-767-5470

Tuesday, Nov 23, 7pm – Letting go of anger, Parsippany Community school 973-263-7180 ext 3015

Sunday, Nov 28 – Free Webinar on Stress management – 7pm

Monday Nov 29, 6pm – Baby steps the path from motherhood to career – Burlington Community College 609-877-4520 ext 3015

For more information visit Diane’s website: www.dlcounseling.com or contact Diane at: Lifeline36@aol.com

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Septemeber 14, 2010: Helping Pre-school and Elementary School Children Transistion into New Classroom/Settings

1.  Allow extra time so you don’t have stress. Kids see stress.

2. Routine – follow a daily routine.

3. Prepare  for changes – give warnings or alerts of change. Ask how they feel about the change.  “Wow, switching rooms and teachers” – what do you think? What is your new teachers name? Do you know where your new room is?

4. Natural consequences  – let their behavior = their natural consequences. You don’t wear your jackets, you will be cold. So, when they go out without their jacket and their cold they will learn and remember.

5. Use real and positive consequences/rewards: if you put your jacket on and leave pre-school, we will have time to stop at the park.

6. Positive reinforcement – Thank your child for good behaviors. Use praise to let your child know what a good job they did.

7. Choices – Kids want control and independency – offer choices. Ex: If you don’t get ready then we can’t go to the park. Don’t use material items or money for positive reinforcement. It should be a fun activity or time spent with a friend. Don’t offer too many choices, it confuses the child and sets them up for failure. Two choices is fine.

8. To lower frustrations for kids that don’t transition well, use an activity schedule board so they predict what happens next.

Example: Outside play – have a visual (picture) of a playground on a schedule board. Show the picture a few minutes before they go outside so the child knows what’s next -  the child can see the board all day to know what to expect – the schedule board should have the schedule written and a picture and then a done portion so when outside is done – have the child put the visual on the board in the done column.

Visuals work well for kids. They understand visuals, it helps make it fun and works well for kids with developmental delays.

Parents building better relationships with their kids

1. To build a positive relationship with your child you need to invest quality time and attention to your child.

2. Understand your child’s interests, strengths, hobbies and dislikes. With this type of information, you can have fun with your child by finding activities they are interested in and enjoy. This also shows a respect for the child’s interests. It shows that the parent is concerned with their child’s interests. It allows for freedom for the child to grow. It allows for the child to develop independence, their own opinions, thoughts and interests. It helps them develop a sense of self and their own identity. This will help build up their self-esteem.

3. Tell a parent to say “I love you” everyday no matter what age. Especially on trying days when you might not feel like saying it. This will help develop and strengthen the relationship.

4. For young kids, having a bedtime ritual will mean a lot to the child. It will be a time that the child can look forward to for one on one time. This can be a time for reading a book together, playing a game, doing a puzzle, etc.  This ritual can stay straight thru till their teenagers.
I have had teenagers tell me they still enjoy playing cards or doing  a puzzle with their parents before bed, they look forward to it. This ritual helps form a good connection between the parent and child.

5. Let your kids help you with daily activities like going food shopping, writing the food list, cooking, gardening, etc. This is bonding time.

6. Dinner time – eat meals together as much as possible. These meals should with no external noises such as TV, Radio, Computers, cell phones, etc.  This should be the time when everyone gets to discuss their day and really listen to each other. It’s a great way to reconnect. It’s Quality time.

7. Set special times that are “Family time” – days that are set aside just for family. Also, set aside special time with each child. Every child wants to feel special and by spending one on one time with each child, it  will allow the child to have that special quality time. The family should plan the activities.

8. Respect – as children get older, they start making their own choices. We as parents need to learn to respect most of their choices. We might not like their choice in clothing or music but if we don’t allow them to make their own decisions then we hinder their independence and growth. It’s a natural part of their development process to want to grow, learn and make decisions on their own. Try to be supportive of their decisions/choices.

For more information visit Diane’s website:

www.dlcounseling.com

For questions please e-mail Diane at Lifeline36@aol.com

Upcoming workshops on Parenting:

Monday, September 20th at 6:30 – Positive Parenting

Clifton Community School, NJ

973-740-2438

Wednesday, September 22 at 6:30 – Positive Parenting

Warren Community College, NJ

908-689-7613

Tuesday, September 28 at 7pm – Positive Parenting

Parsippany Adult school, NJ

973-263-7180

Saturday, October 2nd – 1:30 – Create a work-life balance

Free workshop with Tracey Serebin/Family coach

Free workshop at Hillsborough Public Library 908-369-2200

Wednesday, October 6 at 6:30 – Positive Parenting

Hofstra University, Long Island

516-463-4869

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September 9, 2010: Handling the Negative

We know bad things will happen. We can’t get rid of stress totally so what do we do when things don’t workout as planned? How do we handle the bad news, the stressful situations without freaking out. Here are some tips on how to handle the negatives.

1. Give into it. If you can’t control it then let go and accept it. It’s easier than fighting a losing battle. We can’t control anything but ourselves.

2. Pet therapy – if you have a pet, spend some time with your dog/cat, etc. Pets are proven to bring happiness and raise self-esteem. We use horses to build self-esteem and trust with people who have disabilities. Fish calm, that’s why most dentists and doctors have fish tanks in their offices and dogs are used as pet therapy for the aging, disabled, brain injured and depressed. Need I say more?

3. Nature – get as close to nature as possible. The quiet brings peace. The quiet will help you think and relax. Water has a very calming effect so go to your nearest beach or lake and feel at peace with yourself and nature.

4. Read – reading is a great way to pre-occupy yourself and get your mind off the negativity. When you walk away from a problem, you get some relief and then you can go back to your issue with a fresh new perspective. Reading a book helps you dive into your imagination and fantasy world and forget your problems for  a little bit. A mini vacation from stress.

5. Walk – There is nothing better then a good walk. Walking produces endorphins & decreases your stress hormones. Walk around a lake and get the benefits of walking and nature.

6. Breath – when we are stressed we forget to breath. Concentrate on your breath to help reduce stress and anxiety.

7. Go to your happy spot – visualize a place you love, a place that calms you and makes you feel good. It could be the beach and visualizing the smell of the ocean, hearing the waves crash against the shore, the heat of the sun. Visualize what makes you happy!

Now it’s your turn to share your strategies for coping with life’s sour lemons! Be sure to leave a comment for a chance to win a print copy of Diane’s Creating Balance. You have until Friday, 6:30 PM to do so (unless, of course, I get sidetracked. In that case, you’ll have more time . Winner to be announced sometime on Friday evening, 9/10 or Sunday 9/12.

September Workshops:

Monday, Sept 13 6:30pm – Multiple Intelligence find out how you learn the best, your strengths and career that match your strengths.

Northampton Community College, PA 610-861-4559

Tuesday Sept 14  7pm – Happiness – living an optimistic lifestyle

Mystical World, Lyndhurst, NJ

201-896-3999

Saturday Sept 18 11 am – Create balance & Relieve Anxiety

Stony Point Library, Rockland, NY - Free Workshop

845-786-2100

Monday Sept 20 7pm - Positive Parenting

Clifton Community School, Clifton NJ

973-470-2438

Tuesday Sept 21 – Happiness – Living an optimistic lifestyle

William Patterson University, Wayne, NJ

973-720-3804

Wednesday Sept 22 6:30 – Positive Parenting

Warren Community College, Washington, NJ

908-689-7613

For more information please visit: www.dlcounseling.com

Please write to Diane at: Lifeline36@aol.com

check out my new book: Creating Balance & finding Happiness at Amazon.com, kendallhunt.com or my website: www.dlcounseling.com

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Posted on August 25, 2010: Positive Parenting: Rating Yourself

Being a Positive Parent: Questions to ask yourself
1. What type of parent are you currently? Rate yourself. If you could score yourself on a 1-10 basis 1 being the worst and ten being the best. Where would you put yourself and why? After having over fifty parents answer this question. I have found the most common answer to be anywhere from a five or less. As parents, we tend to think we are never doing enough. We think we’re ok but could always do better. We remember everything we did wrong. I just yelled at my daughter, I wasn’t fully listening, I couldn’t get off of work to see her school play. We never think of the good we did.

2. What type of parent do you want to be? What personality traits do you need to work on as a parent? Think of all the traits you would like to portray to your children. Think of the person you would want to be that would make you a great role model. Remember, most traits are learned. This means you can learn any new traits you think your missing ( patience, listening skills, empathy, etc). This also means you can teach your kids some really great personality traits which will help guide them through life in a positive way, such as respect for yourself and others, kindness, gratitude, helping others, etc.

3. What have you learned from your child? For example: my child has made me see the joy in life. I watch her innocence ( not knowing the world has a dark side), the laughter of just enjoying the flowers, the sky, ice cream – living in the moment. I also learned from my daughter that we are born happy. We are born to love life. This gives me the motivation to find that joy in my own life and share it with everyone around me. Think of the influence your kids have on you.

September Workshops:

Monday, September 13 at 6:30, Multiple Intelligence – learn your strengths & Weaknesses, Interests and Career options

Northampton Community College, PA

Tuesday, September 14th at 7pm, Happiness – living an optimistic lifestyle

Mystical World, Lyndhurst, NJ

Register at 201- 896-3999

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Posted on July 26, 2010: Control: Take control of your life by learning what you can and can’t control

We spend so much time dealing with the issues we can’t control.

Think about it: If a situation is out of your control, and you can’t change the situation or person then why waste your time? Ask yourself: What are you hoping to get out of this situation? You will not get the response or answer your looking for. The situation is out of your reach. If you keep trying to change a situation or person it will lead to frustration, anger, resentment and depression. You can’t control others, you can only control you and how you react towards others.

Accept the fact that you can’t control another person or situation and make the choice to move forward. All of this time your wasting on something you can’t control can be out into something you have control over. You won’t be wasting anymore negative energy.

Radio interviews:

July 29th at 9am est – 3steps forward radio show – discussion on Happiness – living an optimistic lifestyle.  Listen on WCOM 103.5 fm 3stepsforward.com

Workshops:

*Free Workshop: Tuesday, July 27th, 6:30pm – Happiness living an optimistic lifestyle – Bradley Beach Public Library, Bradley Beach, NJ; 732-772-2995

*Free Workshop: : Wednesday, July 28th, 7pm – New Beginnings – a workshop for new moms at Bright Horizons in Cooper Ridge, Lyndhurst, NJ; Register at 201-438-1545

Thursday, July 29th, 7pm – Happiness – living an optimistic lifestyle – Rockland Community College, NY; Register at 845-574-4151

For more information please visit my website: www.dlcounseling.com

E-mail:  Lifeline36@aol.com

My new book is out: Creating Balance & Finding Happiness by Kendall Hunt Publishing. You can check it out at Amazon.com

Amazon.com: Creating Balance and Finding Happiness (9780757574092): Diane Lang

And for expectant and/or new moms:

A three-part parenting series at Bright Horizons at Copper Ridge in Lyndhurst, NJ.  These workshops are offered to you at no cost, but we know the knowledge you’ll gain from them is invaluable!!

Diane Lang, therapist, educator, author and real-life mom will present, bringing to the workshop her expertise in lifestyle and parenting needs.

The first workshop will be Wednesday July 28th at 7pm for new or expecting moms. The workshop is free. Please come early between 5-7pm; the Lyndhurst Police Department will be there to perform car seat safety checks and help install new car seats.

Contact Information: Dana Henderson, Director | Bright Horizons at Copper Ridge | p 201-438-1545 | f 201-933-4262
www.brighthorizons.com/copperridge

Please call or email  for more details, or with any questions.

Thanks, Diane!

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This just in: Diane’s tips on being happy! (Not as far a reach as many may think! Thanks, Di!)

Happiness:

It’s summer and school is out.  It’s time for fun. Here are some tips on Happiness. If you add these tips into your daily routine, you will notice you feel happier and less stressed.

1. Volunteer – make it a family activity. I have some clients work with the organization: Meals for Wheels delivering meals to seniors at assisted living centers. It’s a way to spend quality time with your family, teach your kids respect for yourself and others and make someone else feel better. Volunteering is all about helping others while doing something you love so it might be meals for wheels or if your like me, it might be for an animal shelter. Whatever works for you and your family.

2. Pay it forward – make sure to help others at least a few times a week. This goes hand in hand with volunteering. If you help others by paying a compliment, going out of your way, making yourself available to someone in need you will feel instant results. The good news is helping doesn’t need to be about giving money or writing a check, it’s about being there for others without any expectations.

* Between volunteering and paying it forward you will feel instant bursts of happiness, spread joy and reduce your stress hormones all for free!!

3. Gratitude – make sure to add gratitude checks into your life. At least once a day take 2-3 minutes to remember all you have in life.

* Want to add to this – Say Thank you to someone in your life who deserves it. It could be a mentor, teacher, parent, co-worker, etc. But between a gratitude check and a Thank you, you won’t be able to stop smiling!!

4. Are your basic needs met? We all wonder what is wrong? We say I’m not happy, I feel fatigued, under the weather, etc. Sometimes it’s all about basic needs. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating healthy meals, drinking 8-10 glasses of water and don’t forget exercise. Adding 3-4 days of walking into your life will reduce stress and bring happiness. My advice: Check your basic needs first, you might just need a tall glass of water and an extra hour of sleep.

Great ideas to consider, Diane! (I’ll start with that glass of water and go straight to #3!)

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Here are Diane’s latest tips on time management–something we can all benefit from in our frenzied, harried worlds, I’m sure!

Finding balance

The following are a list of suggestions adapted from a presentation (to moms) by New Jersey-based therapist and author Diane Lang:

1. Women are always putting themselves last. Make yourself a priority.

2. Stay healthy. If you’re not taking care of yourself, how will you take care of your family?

3. Prepare. Lang makes a to-do list on Sunday with everything that needs to be done during the week, and also keeps a calendar on the refrigerator.

4. Use your commute, either to catch up or as your down time.

5. Let go of the Super-Mom Syndrome. Ask for help and delegate chores.

6. Learn to say, “No.” Women are naturally nurturing and want to take care of everyone, but that’s impossible.

7. It’s natural to feel guilt, but working mom does not equal bad mom. Think about the positives from working. You can afford a different quality of life for yourself and your child.

8. Stop comparing, since that only causes jealousy, resentment and anger.

9. Be realistic. You will feel guilt. You will question your choice. You will have bad days, emotional days. Know that and be prepared with a good support system.

10. Be grateful, and appreciate yourself for all that you do. Find a few minutes each day to say, “Thanks,” for everything you have. Recognize all your accomplishments as both a mom and a career woman.

There may still be a slot or two at Diane’s upcoming workshop (tomorrow–see what I mean about time-perception challenged at my end?)

Tuesday, June 22 6pm- Burlington Community College, NJ – Letting go of anger

Register at 609-894-9311

Look for more as the articles come in!

As always, many thanks for stopping by and for all your support!

Joanna

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